On Sex and Death II

Remember when I said I'd try to post Part II the next day? I hope you haven't been holding your (collective) breaths, because I'd have a lot less friends by now. Well here it be: DEATH.

Okay, so do I tell them now or later that this whole 2-part post was conceived of as an excuse to use this image? Later. Definitely later.

We'll pick up right where we left off: death is all around us, especially in the spiritual life, and that's not a bad thing.
Why do we look for fulfillment in sex? Because it is easier than the alternative. That is, it is easier to believe that some object can fulfill us (sex here being conceived as an object rather than as a personal, relational action) than it is to come to terms with the fact that no object can fulfill us. If it's so false of a notion, why do we want objects that can fulfill us? Because we get to control them. If we can earn happiness or use some object to find fulfillment, then we are saved from the terrible existential anxiety of being in a world that cannot fulfill us.
But this is the particular burden of human being: dogs, cats, snails, sea cucumbers - they fulfill their purpose by eating, growing, reproducing, and dying. If we were like every other animal in the universe, we would be fulfilled by objects - by food, by reproducing, by having shelter during storms, etc.

I shall shortly become the most self-actualized person on the planet! As soon as I eat my way to the other side of this table.

The simple truth, however, is that we are not fulfilled by these things, or by any other thing. Why? Because we are not things, and we are not made for things. We are persons, and that means that we are made for love.

Side note: I googled "made for love" and got this. Oh Yanni, tell me about love.

The death is in accepting this, which is a remarkably difficult thing to do. One of the effects of our concupiscence is the overarching urge for control, to make ourselves the center of our sphere of action, and in this case that plays out in this desire to be fulfilled in objects, in things that we control. But admitting that we cannot be fulfilled in objects means having this control torn out of our hands. Or better, this admission means letting go of this control, which will otherwise be torn away in one way or another.
Death is the ultimate horizon, the final denial of all of our claims to control, because, as they say, Death waits for no one.

And this would all be terribly sad if we were indeed objects. That is, if we were like the animals, looking for fulfillment in what we could get and survival, then death would only be the terrible thumb of the universe coming down and laughing in our face as it squelched out all dreams, hopes, and desires. Luckily, however, we are persons, and Death is an ally.

So much of the spiritual life may be summed up in one simple action: the death of the self-will. From where I sit in my current spiritual journey, it is becoming clearer and clearer that this is at least 92-97% of the work that must be done in my own heart. Allowing this "I, ME, MINE" to die is the simplest of all actions, but also the one against which our hearts buck most rebelliously. I say that it is the simplest because it is accomplished through one single action: love. It is also the one against which our hearts rebel because it means one single thing: death.

This is akin to what Christ says in the gospel: He who saves his life loses it, he who loses his life for my sake saves it. Why? Because this "saving" of my own life means grasping and ordering my life according to my desires and thoughts of fulfillment, but this "losing" of my life for Christ's sake means losing myself in Christ. But being united to Christ often feels like death - we are united not only to His resurrection, but to his death as well - to His sufferings, to His longing for union, to His fear, His thirst, His submission to the Father.

Now you're probably thinking things like, "gosh you're depressing, Inkler," and "why the heck did I read all that?" and "I'm bored, I wonder what's going on over at the Comics Curmudgeon." As I've warned you, I am prone to windbaggery and beating-around-the-bushitis. Hopefully I'll tie this all together neatly in just a moment and we can all go on with our days.

What is the good news in all of this? Look back at the gospel: he who loses his life for my sake will save it. That is, to be lost in Christ is to be saved. To be lost in Christ is to be found. Why? Let's go back to the object vs. person dichotomy.

If in fact we are persons, it is only because we are made in the image and likeness of the Persons (Father, Son, Heiligen Geist) - in fact, the very concept of "person" was invented first to speak about the Trinity during the Council of Nicaea in 325 AD. If our personhood mirrors the Persons of the Trinity, then our fulfillment must also mirror God. See Gaudium et Spes 24: "Man is the only creature on earth which God willed for itself, [and he] cannot fully find himself except through a sincere gift of himself." Why? Because the Trinity is a communion of Persons fully and sincerely giving themselves to each other. Christ realizes this self-gift of the Trinity perfectly on the Cross, giving himself for us all.

Fulfillment then is not to be found in an object, of any sort. If it were, salvation could not have come through the Cross. If fulfillment were in an object, God would actively be giving us things, rather than actively stripping us of them. This is the "gospel of prosperity" preached by some, and which imagines blessing as consisting of receiving material wealth. If this were true, Christ could not have called the poor blessed. 

Fulfillment is rather found in this self-gift, this pouring out of self and death of will, giving ourselves over to God and to each other. This is often experienced as death, and what a blessed death this is!

Oh sweet death, to lie at the foot of the cross and be washed in the Blood.

Just to pull things full circle, let's go back to sex for a moment. I wrote in that last post that sex will be disappointing and addictive when it is conceived of as an object, a "thing," an action that gets us something for ourselves, "fulfillment," as it were. But this is not the only approach to sex. Bl. John Paul II's great Man and Woman He Created Them shows us an entirely different and much more fruitful picture of sexuality. To actually go into that will have to be done in another post (thankfully, I really am winding down now), but the point is that in enfleshing the sacrament of marriage, husband and wife realize this self-gift in their very bodies. It is not that sex is inherently bad - in fact it is inherently good. So good in fact as to be a place of sacred encounter with another person, and ultimately with God, not only for the married couple, but for everyone around them as their love bears fruit. So my professor was correct: anything which does not acknowledge sex or death is kitsch, and therefore is not worth my time. May we always be dying, and may we always be loving.

Oh sweet life of death and love, to be drawn into the side of Christ!